So last week my neighbor’s kid popped his unicorn floatie right in my pool, and that got me thinking – what are these things actually made of? Grabbed my oldest pool noodle and a half-decked flamingo ring from the garage, plopped ’em on the patio table, and got to work.
The Cutting Part (Made a Mess)
First thing, I grabbed the kitchen scissors – big mistake. That flamingo vinyl was tough as nails. Ended up sweating buckets sawing through it like some kind of pool toy butcher. When I finally sliced a chunk off, the inside felt weirdly spongy but kinda plasticky. Sniff test? Yeah, smelled like cheap shower curtain left in the sun. My noodle chunk just crumbled like dry foam when I squeezed it.
Sticky Fingers Research
Washed that weird chemical smell off my hands then hit up the brands directly. Here’s the deal:
- Intex floaties straight up told me they use something called “PVC vinyl resin”. Sounds fancy, but smells like my grandpa’s old garden hose.
- Speedo’s pool gear? Kept babbling about “proprietary polymer blends”. Corporate nonsense. Bet it’s still plastic.
- That yellow Bestway flamingo I hacked up? MSDS sheets said “thermoplastic elastomer compounds”. Translation: rubbery plastic that degrades in UV light. Explains why it felt sticky last summer.
The Eco-Stuff Fiasco
Saw some fancy sites claiming “eco-friendly” toys. Ordered a “plant-based” kiddie ring advertised as biodegradable. Thing arrived smelling faintly of corn chips. Left it baking on my driveway for a week like their packaging suggested. Result? Still a floppy ring. Licked it – tasted like weird salty plastic. Probably greenwashing garbage wrapped in marketing fluff.
My Sad Attempt at Boiling
Got curious if heat changed the material. Dropped noodle scraps into boiling water. Big letdown. The PVC just got softer and warped like sad pasta. The foam noodles? Melted into blobs smelling like burnt hair. Ruined my stock pot too – rainbow residue won’t scrub off. Wife’s gonna kill me.
Reality Check
Truth is, 90% of pool junk in Walmart bins is petroleum soup poured into molds. Either stinky PVC that lasts (mostly) or foam that disintegrates into orange crumbs after two seasons. That “eco” trend? Still plastic masquerading as responsible. Shoulda just duct-taped Jimmy’s busted unicorn and saved myself a garage full of pool toy corpses.
Worse part? My scissors are still sticky.